The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
