so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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