honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
