he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
