well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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