he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
