She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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