Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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