Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
