spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
