i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
