You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im part way to drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
