Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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