How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
