There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
