Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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