Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
