4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
