I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
