he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
wow bdsm is so cute
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