the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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