u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
