she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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