what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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