Since when is my name a synonym for head?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
