When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
false alarm, still single
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
