My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Damn victory sex feels great
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
