Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
