Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
