either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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