Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
