I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
