so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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