Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
