She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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