I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
