He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My life is pants optional.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
