so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
