I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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