Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
