Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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