yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
