I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
