guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
