We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
