literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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