Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
