and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
