I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
