I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
