I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
