I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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