As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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