My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
