did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
