please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
