she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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