Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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