I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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