y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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