you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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