five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
