Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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