eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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