that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
