you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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