ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
