Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
