Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
