1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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