it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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