She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
