I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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