I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize