your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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