I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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