9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
