I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
