Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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