I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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