put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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